I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
