yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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