thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
