I wannas sexs uuuuu
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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