I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize