well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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