NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
