im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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