i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
