My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize