Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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