Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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