You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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