You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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