had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
