you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
