Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize