Nicole vs. Life
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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