Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
