I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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