In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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