Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize