Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
