I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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