You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
