just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
