I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
