Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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