A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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