I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
