I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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