she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
