Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
