I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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