I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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