I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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