Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
