This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
