I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
