Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
