that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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