i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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