3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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