So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
