i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
