I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
