My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
