Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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