So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
