Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
