hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize