Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.