They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.