Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies