I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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