when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You may now shotgun with the bride
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?