Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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