btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
