This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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