He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and she was petting her beer can
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
