me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
