My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
