I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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